Numb
Looking back at one of my entries - I started thinking about the loneliness that holds itself with in me. Why it has etched it's way into the very depths of my soul. Why do I feel alone in a house full of people? Is it not enough that I have my family?
My heart aches for true kindness, I guess. Searching for someone to give me unconditional love. I want to have someone in my life that doesn't have an ulterior motive. Who doesn't want something from me.
James seems to think that I'm going through a midlife crisis. I just may be.
I do wonder what else is out there. I know that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I realize that. But, what if there was someone who loves me for me. Not loves me for the continuous chores I do. Somewhere along the way I lost me.
At home - I'm a completely different person than I am at work or out and about. At home my personality shuts down. I have no feelings when I get there. Completely numb. Completely empty.
Sometimes I just want to sit and cry. Where is the Tiffani that used to be so in control. Where did the Tiffani go that was so happy that when she would burst into a room everyones face would light up.
Where am I?
Where did I go?